I wish others knew how challenging it gets to be social. I mean, the hardship is shared by the majority of adults considering the increased complexity of life, but for autistic folks is a particular mind-fuck rubik’s cube. You will not excuse my language, as the term is a true, faithful expression of how it feels to me.
Keeping friendships as an autistic adult is a deep continuous exercise of harmonising self support with mutual trust, because being available considering the demands of everyday life and integrating it in the multiple areas of one’s life is already a marathon, but the juggling gets crazier when the masking and accommodation needs’ aspect of it takes such a big portion of impact from our time and energy.
The chance of expanding possibilities is strangled by the need for familiarity which makes it harder to meet new people, as the conditions necessary to feel safe and able to interact are complex: inside home is too personal to feel comfortable with having people we haven’t connected with at a certain level, even if it would be the safest place; and out of the house, places have so much stimuli to consider how to accommodate, that it feels like moving a mountain just to get out of the house out of the anticipation for the effort level required. Even more when we add the layer of living with a comorbidity, whether it is mostly physical or mental… the energy available may be scarce and unpredictable to collaborate with.
I wish others knew how much I want to share stories, play games, talk deeply about life, or simply enjoy silent company… in person. Yet, most of the time that is intolerable to integrate with my other needs and actually get a chance to enjoy the simplest things in life.
I wish there would be a deeper curiosity from others on how to conciliate this, as it feels for 100% of the situations, I have to engage on a continuous mental juggling mode and be at a certain high level of effort or discomfort to adapt, just to live life and take on an opportunity to connect. Key words here are: “it feels”. Because even if 100% is not a true representation, the fact that that’s the perception, says a lot about how much it would make a difference for others to (want to) know, and be willing to put some level of effort as autistics do just to get by in a world not catered for neurodiverse living. The awareness and shared load would certainly ease the challenge, and increase the degree of value we give to each others’ dedication in staying connected in a world that is more and more designed to push us appart. Because we want, and essencially because we also deserve to enjoy life, especially at the depth we can grasp so naturally and would bring so much joy to others as well if we could share it with the world flowly.
